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The Book of Love

• How to say “no” by saying “yes” to an unwanted suitor: “Normally I’d say yes to just about anyone, but for you I’ll make an exception.”
• Where to find single men (or women): For every 100 single women in the United States, there are only 85 single men, according to a recent Census Bureau report. But before all you unmarried women start moving to the spots where the odds are best, consider the reasons the boys are where they are. Brazoria, Texas, for instance, ranks as the fourth-highest bachelor capital in the country. That gives you plenty to choose from – if you’re willing to play the dating game at one of the area’s four state prisons.
• Fifteen pick-up lines guaranteed to lose with the ladies: In his study of opening lines used by men to meet women, psychologist Chris Kleinke came upon the following 15 openers that nice guys will want to avoid:
  
  In general situations:
  1. Is that really your hair?
  2. You remind me of a woman I used to date.
  3. Your place or mine?
  In bars:
  4. (Looking at a woman’s jewelry): Wow, it looks like you just robbed Woolworth’s.
  5. Bet I can outdrink you.
  6. I play the field, and I think I just hit a home run with you.
  7. Do you think I deserve a break today?
  8. I bet the cherries jubilee isn’t as sweet as you are.
  9. If this food doesn’t kill us, the bill will.
  In supermarkets:
  10. Do you really eat that junk?
  11. You shouldn’t buy that. It’s full of cholesterol.
  12. Is your bread fresh?
  In Laundromats:
  13. A man shouldn’t have to wash his own clothes.
  14. Those are some nice undies you have there.
  15. I’ll wash your clothes if you’ll wash mine.

The Dark Side of Mistletoe: Everyone knows the fun custom of kissing the man or woman who stands beneath the mistletoe. But not everyone knows the darker traits of the plant itself. Mistletoe is a clinging parasite, which roots its way into deciduous and evergreen trees, often killing its host. Certain mistletoe berries can poison a person or animal who ingests them, and the leaves can cause stillbirths among cattle that eat them. Better to taste only a lover’s lips.

Terms of Endearment: There are pet names you love and pet names you hate. Here’s how 1,000 people surveyed by a market research firm for Korbel Champagne ranked their favorites:
1. Honey
2. His/Her name
3. Baby
4. Sweetheart
5. Dear
6. Lover
7. Darling
8. Sugar
9. Pumpkin/Angel (tied)
10. Precious/Beautiful (tied)

Five Signs of an Approaching Wedding:
1. A cow lows during the night.
2. A mockingbird flies over the house.
3. A white dove comes near the house.
4. A spider dangles her web down from the ceiling, and you bounce her on her thread.
5. A chicken comes into the house with a piece of straw in its beak and lays it down.